Long awaited interview with The Apprentice!!

The long awaited interview with Sox, The Apprentice for Lomond Art, is here!!! This is a part interview after the interviewer took ill and had to lie down.......More to follow.

INTERVIEWER: So Sox, is it true West Highland Terriers are stubborn little sods, often thrawn and quite obsessive about their toys?

SOX: Not at all. Can you put the Ratty down please?

INTERVIEWER: Sorry. Ratty is your best friend then?

SOX: Not always. Sometimes, I have to chastise him when he gets stubborn, thrawn and obsessive about his toys.

INTERVIEWER: Ok. So moving on. Tell us a bit more about you and your early days growing up.

SOX: Well, I’m three. I grew up in Glasgow and lived with my mum, brothers and sisters for a bit in the East End. Life was hard. There was 8 of us to feed and being the youngest I had to learn to toughen up, especially at dinner time. I wasn’t allowed to go to school so I’m mostly self-taught, although I did attend classes in Kilmany for a few months when I came to Fife to live.

INTERVIEWER: And why did you come to Fife? Was it difficult adjusting to your new life here?

SOX: Well, I was kidnapped. One minute I was slurping on my Saps and the next I was bundled into a car and racing along the motorway. I remember passing over a big bridge, I mean a big bridge, much bigger than the Kelvin Bridge but not as big as the Coat Bridge. Anyway, it was big. Things are a bit of a blur from then on. I think I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember I was waking up outside the Lomond Art place in Cupar. And the rest is history as they say.

INTERVIEWER: And your life with the Lomond Art clan?

SOX: It’s alright, I suppose. I mean, they feed me, play with me, take me for walks and buy me presents and stuff so they’re not the worst family ever. My favourite is Kate (she’s the one that kidnapped me) but I really like Logan, Ava, Shaun, Ryan (he’s the one who helped Kate kidnap me), Jenn, Patrick and the bosses’ other half.

INTERVIEWER: And the boss?

SOX: He’s okay I guess, but he’s really stubborn, thrawn and quite obsessive about stuff. Plus he doesn't like to talk about me becoming time-served......

INTERVIEWER: Mmm… so let’s chat about what we hear is your favourite pastime – politicking

SOX: Great. Ask me anything you like about it.

INTERVIEWER: So when did your interest first start?

SOX: Way back, when I lived in Glasgow. I was too young at the time to really understand how to do it properly, but I was becoming quite accomplished before I moved up this way.

INTERVIEWER: So what is your preferred politics then?

SOX: That’s easy, the long slow ones at the end, when everything else has been devoured.

INTERVIEWER: Sorry, you’re not making much sense here.

SOX: Neither are you. You asked me what my preferred pot licking is, and am telling you what my preferred pot licking is. It’s the long slow ones at the end.

INTERVIEWER: Think there might have been a big mis-understanding here. We understood you were willing to talk about your politicking not your pot licking.

SOX: But the Boss told me I would be asked about my pot licking, not thingyticking. I don’t even know what thingyticking is.

INTERVIEWER: I’m sure the Boss was not playing a trick on you. Politicking is about doing stuff that can improve lives, say the life of a Westie, for example. Do you have views on how a Westie’s life could be improved?

SOX: As a matter of fact I do. Jobbie bags, for a start. Jobbie bags should be free and come in various colours and ideally be made of material that glows in the dark. Its infuriating having to hang around in the cold while the Boss searches around for my black jobby bag that has dropped from his pocket, especially when its windy. And the government should provide free dog leg extensions too. Every day during the rainy season my coat is soaked because I’m so low on the ground and I have to have more baths than I want. It would also mean I could have better eye contact with bigger mutts when I’m narking at them. And a Vote. That would be good. Many of the things that could improve the life of a Westie would be implemented if these politicians had to pay attention to us too. And another thing, this Brexit stuff is getting me down. In all these negotiations not one mention of Westies. Collies, they’re all obsessed with Collies.

INTERVIEWER: Collies? Brexit? Sorry you have me there. Can you expand?

SOX: Sure. Ever since they decided to leave the Ewe, they have been going on and on about Borders.

INTERVIEWER: You mean Border Collies?

SOX: Yip, Border Collies. They are not the only dogs being affected by the Ewe thing, you know. They must have the Vote.

INTERVIEWER: Well on that insight, I think we’ll wrap it up for now. Its been a pleasure talking to you Sox and I know your many fans will be looking forward to the next interview, scheduled for Friday 16th during which you will be covering food, economics, sport and exercise.

SOX: And other stuff, don’t forget the other stuff.

INTERVIEWER: Of course, and other stuff. Gosh I feel a migraine coming on.